I Still See Her Haunting Eyes
written by Aaron Elster and
Joy Erlichman Miller, Ph.D.

Chapter 2
"October 10, 1942"

I feel the bodies of our neighbors crashing into my own. I hear the screams and crying, and the fear takes a devilish hold on each person. Mothers and fathers feverishly assist the young children and elderly into a square opening hidden by a crudely designed wooden cover so that it seems that nothing exists behind this wall. Inside this space, I see a ladder that everyone tries at once to descend into a secret room. Mothers grasp babies in their arms as more than three dozen try to squeeze into a room the size of an average bedroom.

When we all gain access into the hidden room, a man reaches up and grabs the ladder and places it flat on the
floor. I’m shaking and trying to hold back my tears. All I can feel is intense fear, and I realize more than anything that I don’t want to die. My father urges me to sit next to him as he pulls my baby sister Sara close to me. Dressed in short pants, I crouch down on the dirt floor. My body begins to shake in uncontrollable convulsions...

...Sara begins to whimper as she nestles closer to our father, whose face reveals terror and dismay. Our father looks down and tells her she must be totally silent, or we will be discovered. I see a young mother breast-feeding her baby, and suddenly there is an outburst from another infant across the crowded room. The captives tell the young mother to silence the baby, but the noise continues. The elders insist that the mother must quiet the infant’s outbursts, or they fear the Gestapo will discover us and we will all be murdered. The urging continues as the baby’s cries become louder and louder as the onlookers become more agitated and anxious.

My eyes must be deceiving me as the distraught mother places her palm over her daughter’s mouth and nose and exerts pressure. The baby’s legs begin to violently flail and kick until they move no more. Silence fills the room as the infant takes her final gasp for air and suddenly goes limp. Tears fill my eyes, and instantly I wonder if my mother would do the same to me in such an impulsive action. I watch, but I feel little emotion related to the death. I only feel relief that we will not be discovered. Looking up at my father, as my body continues to shake in terror, it is clear that no one will say anything about the mother’s actions. Holding back a sickening need to throw up, I place my face under my father’s arm as my teeth begin to chatter...

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